Indy's story

Blogging has been extremely thought provoking for me. I have made a commitment to a year of choice which has repeatedly brought to the fore the question "What I can I do?"  I can choose between living under the radar as a result of our experiences or dare to tell, to share, to be of service not just to my own but to others.
I offered a snippet of our experiences with India and thought as a first step, a way of offering support, I could fill in some of her story from my own perspective, especially for families with younger children who are facing adversity and wondering about decisions they have made or are making now.
India and her twin Ella, were born full term, 7 lbs each, in perfect condition, though by emergency caesarean. They were completely breast fed and initially thrived. At six weeks, their older sisters, Lily 2, Laurie 3, brought home a bug from school. Indy, unfortunately suffered and started to lose weight. At ten weeks this happened again and resulted in a hospital admission due to dehydration. 

We had already decided the twins would not be routinely vaccinated (see Laurie's story). India's health was not sufficient to be able to handle another assault, though the health professionals begged to differ (she was at even greater risk). I was 'sent' to my GP for anti depressants and a mental health evaluation, due to my uncooperative attitude as I wouldn't be bullied into submission.

Ella and India

By five months, our NHS health visitor had contacted the "Failure to Thrive" team in search of 'help', based only on India's weight centile, as she was early for her developmental milestones. For the next six months a team of 9 professional - including dietitian, GP, psychologist, pediatrician, child abuse expect, social workers etc. came into our home four times a week to observe us, to film us, measure the food, count the spoonfuls and write notes. They concluded  that India, according to their protocol, was potentially at risk and unless the situation was resolved, asides from being unable to eat normally, "would be severely brain damaged by the age of two". This was based on one research document written by one psychologist stating that in 95% of cases where a  child is 'failing to thrive', it is the direct result of parental neglect, and usually the mother is to blame. They questioned me extensively; about my relationship with my mother, my choice of candlesticks that they had spotted in their video footage, my favouring of Ella, and my choice of books and interests. The nutritionist who had been sent to educate us, offered "What do you expect them to think when you read the books you do?"

This scrutiny was devastating for us. I was exhausted anyway; four children under four, husband in totally consuming job two hours drive way, no parental help, and a sick baby. I take my role as a mother extremely seriously; a family history of allergies, bad asthma, chemical sensitivities, etc. I constantly researched. I followed Lynne Taggart, Andrew Wakefield, Jans de Vries, attended a Vera Schreiber lecture, and yes controversial cutting edge stuff. But I had committed myself to being the best. Fortunately our own pediatrician agreed to monitor India weekly and report back her findings to the team. Her tests showed India to be neutropenic, have an immature immunology and admitted her for electrolytes when required.

I constantly questioned my own motivations, my research, my sanity. The pressure was so immense, our marriage  nearly didn't make it. I became so stripped bare that I had nothing but myself.  The diet sheet told me to feed double cream, peanut butter and fatty pork chops on the bone, with every meal. Amounts of food no six month old baby could stomach, not even gutsy Ella who could put it away :) It became all about calories, not nutrition.

Indy never had any issues helping herself

The professionals made it easy in some respects - they couldn't offer me any real answers, so I was left with nothing other than my own intuition. I continued breastfeeding, supplementing fortified goats milk formula and almond milk, making all the solids myself from natural and wholesome organic supplies. We visited the herbalist, the homeopath, the anthroposophical doctor,  the nautropath, the kinesiologist, and the Osteopathic Centre for Children each week with four children in tow, despite the five hour round trip. I continued looking for my own answers. What helped, what didn't. And little by little Indy picked up.



Lily, India and Ella

Having questioned myself constantly, I was over joyed to see subsequent research published in the national press declaring that babies born by caesarean section were found to suffer significantly more stomach bugs that their counterparts born naturally due to the absence of exposure to the multitude of bacteria found in the birth canal that is believed to kick start the immune system. The immunologist, when carrying out test for allergies, congratulated me on my careful feeding; not exposing the girls to potential allergens before their first birthdays, in line with the current research from Southampton University Hospital and a pediatric specialist sent from King's College Hospital, London, instructed us to not administer antibiotics at the next chest infection (much to the horror of the team) in order to develop India's immune system.



India, Ella and Poppy Dog

With a bit of luck, all this precious info will eventually filter back to the professions on the ground.

Despite this invaluable reassurance, it hasn't been until recently, may be even today writing this, that I have been able to acknowledge that I did the right thing. But what about the brain damage?? India has recently gone in to the state schooling system having been home educated for six years. She has been sitting GCSE maths papers, (she's 13, and the usual age for sitting these exams is 16) and achieving between 97 and 100% !! She is bright, switched on, attentive and responsive. Her ability to process is mind blowing, and her memory excellent. Most of all she is well adjusted, happy, strong and well, and we have an awesome relationship. Exactly the same weight and size as Ella, she loves her food, cooks three course meals that would put Jamie Oliver to shame and eats like a horse. She's considering a career in medicine. Should be interesting.

Words can't describe how happy I am. Thankfully we have so many happy memories. And I have no regrets, to have lost her would have been.....

Els and Indy - Grand Canal, Venice

The child abuse expert was later discredited and struck off, his research unsubstantiated. His report had led to numerous children in the UK being adopted to new parents, as a result of so called 'failure to thrive'; abuse and neglect by their mothers. Unfortunately because the adoption process is legal and binding, it is permanent. Even once these prosecuted mothers were set free from prison, they could not reclaim their children.

We were lucky.

As I have said, I've put off sharing our experiences publicly. I have nothing to hide, nothing to feel ashamed of but this experience changed me.

Writing about this now has been cathartic. I now choose to let go, to re frame and focus on the positive lessons learnt. I would like to offer thanks to the health professional involved but I'm still working on that one.

Love Always XXX